Supportive Spouse

When I was a little girl, I always tried to imagine what my future husband would be like. I had pretty high standards, and they only increased when I went through puberty. Watching all your friends' getting their hearts broken and all over a short time frame just isn't very appealing. I wanted to know what falling in love felt like, but I also knew I wanted it to last longer than 2 weeks.

Once I reached my adult years, I developed a more realistic fantasy of who he would be. But once you meet the person you chose to spend the rest of your life with, life is inevitable. You have to both understand that neither person is perfect and that there will be hard work involved at times. I think many people make the mistake of following their passionate love and forget to become friends with their future spouse.

Not that there shouldn't be any passion, there should be. But if you can't laugh with your partner or aren't comfortable showing your true self, you should probably consider those feelings before jumping into a serious relationship.

When Chris and I first started dating, it was all new and fun for the both of us. He hadn't dated in a long time and I had never been in a romantic relationship before. We enjoyed the cliché dinner and movie dates, and honestly we just had fun getting to know each other. We could talk about the most serious topics while also being able to joke and laugh together. I could wear zero makeup, be 100 pounds over weight and still felt like the most beautiful woman in the world when I was around Chris.

We had some hurdles, we had to learn how to communicate. I had to learn how to bring up conflict towards him and he had to honestly tell me what he needed. We had to learn how to navigate and handle each of our mental health and we had to learn how each felt love. We read devotionals, relationship books and talked a lot, openly and with no judgement. We are still a work in progress but I am so grateful for those early years.

Another thing that I don't know where we'd be without it, was our pre-marital counseling. We learned so much about each other and we still use techniques from our sessions to this very day. The one thing that has been consistent is the support I get from Chris. It doesn't matter where we are, what we're doing or who we are around, he always holds me up. I hope I do the same for him!

Without that support, I don't think we'd still be Chris and Kaitlyn. I went through some mild depression during our engagement. We had a lot going on, with planning a wedding, buying a house, my dad getting diagnosed with cancer and managing every day life stuff all at the same time. The entire time, Chris was there asking what I needed, putting his needs aside and giving me his all. I felt terrible, I told him I appreciated him but that I knew it wasn't fair for me to neglect his own needs. He told me that right now I needed more support and someday I would be there to hold him up when he needed it. Wow, I landed a keeper!

At the start of our conception journey I also needed a lot of emotional support, and Chris was once again there. Now that we are 2 years in, I have found my peace but find that Chris is the one in need of support from me. I always ask him what he needs, more than just once. He can be a bit prideful and a lot of the times doesn't know what he needs. In those moments I give him space to explore his feelings. I offer suggestions and then I let him be. I have found that I need to prioritize checking in with him. Sometimes all he needs is me to just sit with him, and even in the moments I feel that I have all the answers... he just needs my ears, my arms and my love.

Every couple is so very different, and every one feels loved in different ways. But the one thing that I think is similar, or should be, is the attentiveness we show to our partners. I too, am a prideful and stubborn person, and I admit I have trouble relinquishing control. So I have had to have major practice in letting Chris help me, even when I think I can do it by myself. I also have had to set aside my personal feelings at times in our relationship and focus on my husbands feelings.

Being in a relationship, especially marriage, is one of the biggest blessings. But it can and does come with some challenges along the way. They weren't kidding when they said it would be a lot of work, but when you both put effort into bettering yourselves you find that it is much easier to be selfless and give your spouse the care and love they need!